Fear

30 09 2011

Fear is a funny thing. We all suffer from it; some hide it well while others wear it for all to see. We have fears on a macro level; fears regarding the national and world economies or fears regarding terrorism and war or fears regarding world hunger and poverty or fears regarding the deterioration of our environment or…We also have fears on a micro level; fears regarding our job security or fears regarding our financial struggles or fears regarding our health our fears regarding our relationships…All fears, if they remain unchecked, can have an adverse affect on us and even compound that fear into reality, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But, enough about fear. Today I am remembering a time when I was fearless. A few years ago, as I was approaching my 54th birthday, Judy asked how I wanted to celebrate my birthday; we finally decided we would have a birthday weekend in Ocean City. In the course of planning my birthday weekend, my deep secret (and fear) of having never been on a Ferris wheel came to light; Judy immediately said that it was a right of passage to ride the gigantic amusement ride on the boardwalk in Ocean City. Since we were still early in our relationship and I wanted to impress her, I cheerfully agreed that the ride was a must; all the time hoping that it might be forgotten or it might rain or time would run out…

The weekend arrived and, excited as I was, the Ferris wheel experience was still on the agenda and panic was beginning to set in. However, as Friday evening evolved, I started being caught up in a moment; we, first, went for an evening walk on the beach and were immediately presented the most gorgeous full moon rise over the breaking waves of the ocean (can I just say that the embrace and kiss was magical) and then took the four-legged children for a walk and a Dune Doggie at Aunt Betty’s (best ice cream in Ocean City). The next morning (my actual birthday) I was presented with wonderful gifts and cards and…………All through the day, we wandered the beaches, the shops, restaurants, etc. until (and before I knew it) we arrived at the amusement park…Hhhmmmmmm…Now, the moment of truth. Sure, I could tell you lots of stories of cockiness and boldness but, I think I did something even more profound, I told Judy the truth; I told her of my fears and the fact that I had never been on a Ferris wheel in my life. Did she laugh? Did she mock me? No…Judy took my hand, led me through to our gondola, and put her arm around me as the great wheel began to move.

That night, together, I saw sights that you can only enjoy from that special vantage point; I saw the skyline of Atlantic City, I saw that beautiful full moon casting its light over the waves, I saw the entire boardwalk stretched out before us; but, most of all, I saw a beautiful caring woman sitting beside me and knew that I was truly in love…I was fearless.

Post Script…The following poem was written to commemorate that birthday and I still remember each event as thought it happened a few moments ago…and no, I haven’t been on a Ferris wheel, since that night; but, if Judy asked to go for another ride, I can’t think of a place I’d rather be than in her company enjoying views of the world below.

Forty Nine + Five Fête

I.

Intoxicating, scarlety-orange lunar sphere;

Pronouncement of its resolve over the flourish

Of frothy wave’s enchantment.

Enveloped within euphoric harmony,

Merely pretense heretofore.

II.

Lurid jade and azure communiqué sited discreetly;

Symbolic of passionate phraseology embossed

Within the leaves of the mind.

Evening veiled within wondrous expectancy,

Passionate speculation.

III.

Joyous dawn, light piercing tranquil slumber;

An anniversary renowned in adolescence,

Censured in maturity.

Giddiness flourishes within the inner child,

Inexplicable precedent.

IV.

Colossal tectonic sphere studded with gondolas;

Omen of past anxieties exclaimed

Without contemplation, now released.

Impeded right of passage realized,

Emancipation seized.

V.

Dazzling admirer of celestial and earthly trinkets;

Epitome of love’s perfection

Forever alive, forever realized.

Forty nine + five fête and counting,

World-rocked, world-rocking.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: